You know, Brawn: The Impossible Formula 1 Story (hosted by part-time Fender bass player Keanu Reeves) is about premiere on November 15, 2023 so I thought we’d jump on the Brawn bandwagon as well. Why not?

I’ll cobble together a few sentences for you anyway but feel free to scroll straight down to the photo gallery depicting the car’s/team’s last track appearance in iconic Brawn colours (Jerez YD test, they didn’t have to do it at bland Abu Dhabi back then because NET ZERO CARBON BY 2030 was still full 10 years away), driven, funnily enough, by the Indy 500 winner and F1 kinda loser (in a way) Marcus Ericsson and Mike Conway who is undeniably cool. Just google Mike Conway.

So yeah, to quote Yuki Tsunoda, yeah.

Photos aren’t particularly great or fantastic, however I wasn’t at my peak, at the top of my game, during that specific event, I didn’t crush the photographic opposition. Let’s say they represent a sentimental value: they represent a sentimental value.

Yeah, drivers aside, I always regarded the Brawn BGP 001 as almost like a living human being, almost like a person. V8 engines would produce a lot of white noise, my head was aching, my ears were exploding and bleeding at the same time. It felt similar to meeting Colonel Walter Kurtz since the car had decimated the competition in 2009. In the beginning, it did.

Imagine how ridiculous the story looks circa 2023: F1 teams helping out a rival to stay in the championship by offering an affordable engine supply deal? They are tremendous intergalactic objects these days, labelling themselves as the Earth’s saviours and franchises. You’re welcome, Andretti.

Honestly, what are they doing here: racing or playing Ping-Pong?

A “franchise” – I’d love to hear Enzo Ferrari’s opinion on this subject. Or Alfred Neubauer’s.

I certainly prefer the industrial design of the 2009-2013 generation of F1 cars, I confess. Nice angles, healthy weight stats. I do dig the new old ground effect hybrid machines of today, although to me they somehow seem like glorified versions of F3 machinery.

Still, picture Mercedes pulling out of F1 at the end of 2025 and selling the team to Toto Wolff for 1 GBP. It then secures Honda’s new for 2026 power plant to be installed in the back of the TWR 001 (a lawsuit is filed by TWR road car brand against Toto and co., with TWR standing for Tom Walkinshaw Racing, what else?). George Russell is very old at 28 and F1 journos describe him as “F1’s nearly man”, surely never destined to win the title. Meanwhile, Hamilton’s services are retained for 2026, so he’ll be acting as Mr Experience Rubens Barrichello in our fake story. Torger Wolff Racing, as Merc becomes known, wins both championships in 2026 (yes, I realize that it sounds damn close to Walter Wolf Racing, minus one “f”, no f given, no f taken, copyright issues won’t harm Toto’s new F1 squad as far as I’m concerned, no TWR trouble in this case). Russell is crowned champion with 20 race wins from 30 starts (Liberty will have added extra 7 races in the US to the calendar, with Gary, Indiana GP being the most popular venue); Hamilton is 3rd in the drivers’ standings. Torger Wolff Racing is subsequently bought by Honda because the Japanese carmaker decides, at the very last moment, to split with Aston Martin and buy out Toto’s outfit. Sebastian Vettel is lured out of retirement to join what would effectively be called Honda F1 Team next year, he’s partnered at Brackley by Sebastián Montoya. Unfortunately, they suck big time in 2027 and it takes them until 2029 to win again with Montoya Jr at the North Korean Grand Prix…

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